Parenting Squad

4 Steps to Mastering Your Child's Car Seat

Nancy Flanders — Fri, 24 May 2013 09:00:32 +0000

Car seats are awesome. They save lives and prevent injury. Some even have cup holders so our kids never have to be without their sippy cup. But car seats can be difficult. So difficult, in fact, that according to Safe Kids Connecticut, four out of five are installed incorrectly. This isn't just dangerous — it's deadly. According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), car crashes are the No. 1 killer of children ages 1 to 12 in the United States. Installing your child's car seat correctly really can mean the difference between life and death. Don't just assume your child's seat is installed right. Be sure of it.

1. Size It

Every car seat is made for children of a specific size. Finding the right one for your child will mean your child is comfortable and safe. Check each seat to make sure it's the right size before you get it home.

Not only does the seat have to fit your child, it has to fit your car. My family had this problem when we bought a new car. Our infant seat didn't quite fit right in the new van. Before you leave the store with a car seat, ask if you can test their floor model out in your car first. They should say yes. If they say no, find a different store.

2. Read It

The first step in mastering the car seat is to read and follow the directions. You may think this is a given, but a survey by the NHTSA found that one in five parents don't read any instructions when installing a car seat. It's one of the most important items you will ever install or use in your life, so before you even attempt to get it in your car, please read those directions!

3. Attach It

Your child's seat must be attached correctly. This means using the LATCH (lower anchors and tethers for children) system correctly, according to your seat's instructions, or using the seat belt correctly according to your seat's directions. Don't use both. The car seat should not move more than an inch from side to side once installed. The seat also must be at the correct angle as stated in the instructions.

4. Harness It

The harness is probably the most important part of your child's car seat. Even if the seat itself is installed correctly, improperly harnessing your child into the seat can leave your child very vulnerable in the event of an accident. Make sure you are using the correct harness slot for your child. The harness slot will have to be changed as your child grows, so don't forget to keep checking it. The harness chest clip must be placed over your child's chest — not her abdomen, not her throat. Placing the clip over the abdomen can cause internal injuries in a car accident. In addition, the harness needs to be tight. There should be NO slack at all.

In addition to taking these proper steps, you should always research a car seat and never buy a used one. You don't know for sure if a used seat has ever been involved in an accident before, and those that have are no longer safe. Always make sure your child is facing the right direction for her seat and her size and never buckle your child into her seat in bulky clothing, as the harness will not fit right. Once you are sure you have the seat installed correctly, take it to an inspection center to have it double-checked. Your child's safety is worth the effort.

Permalink | Comments | Nancy Flanders's blog | Channel: Safety, Tips, Home Life, Health

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We Reject Mommy Wars: Join Our Tweetchat Today, 05/23 at 2:00 EST for a Chance to Win!

Rhonda Franz — Thu, 23 May 2013 09:00:02 +0000

By Rhonda Franz

Today, we're helping one another deal with (and do away with) the infamous Mommy Wars. Come share your advice, or grab some tips from other moms.

How do you handle moms who are always bragging about their kids?

How do you stop yourself from bragging?

Do you ever feel like you don't measure up to other moms? Why?

Do you have a tendency to judge other moms for their choices?

Share the most annoying piece of unsolicited parenting advice you've been given.

If there was one thing you could do to stop the Mommy Wars, what would it be?

Everyone is welcome to chat! Use #pschat to participate, and make sure you're following @parentingsquad for a chance to win a $10 Amazon gift card!

Permalink | Comments | Rhonda Franz's blog | Channel: Health, Social Skills, Vaccines, Breastfeeding, Nutrition, Healthcare

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Avoiding the Mommy Wars

Nancy Flanders — Thu, 23 May 2013 09:00:02 +0000

By Nancy Flanders

Mommy competitions have been around for probably as long as there have been two mommies in the same town. There are stay-at-home moms versus working moms. And breast-feeding moms versus formula feeding moms. And that's just the beginning. Women tend to compete and compare when it comes to everything, including mommyhood. But this type of behavior is destructive to our friends, to ourselves, and to women everywhere. The good news is that mommy wars can be avoided.

Get Happy

When a mom starts boasting about her child's achievements, don't start listing off everything wonderful your own child is up to. Just smile and compliment her child. Telling her how great it is that her son just took his first step, even if he's younger than your still-crawling child, will stop the competition before it starts.

Choose Wisely

Just because the mom down the street has children the same age as yours, doesn't mean she's the best person to be friends with. If there's a mom in your life who is constantly bragging and comparing, stop hanging out with her. Instead, choose to spend time with moms you can relate to, moms who don't compare, and moms who have similar values to yours.

Hold Your Tongue

Don't be so quick to hand out advice unless another mom has asked for your opinion. Sometimes moms just want to vent about their sleepless nights. It's likely they've tried every trick in the book to get their child to sleep. If you give another mom advice that she doesn't want, she may end up with either anger or hurt feelings as a result. This is the perfect setting for mommy wars.

Know Your Milestones

Every child develops at her own rate. As long as you and your child's doctor are happy with her progression, you should be happy too. It doesn't matter what Joey down the street is doing compared to your child. It only matters that your child is progressing at an appropriate rate.

Accept the Differences

Even your best friend in the world is going to have different mothering techniques than you do. And truthfully, no matter what you say about why organic baby food is best, she's going to do what she wants to do. Even if you think formula feeding is much easier than breastfeeding, she might think the opposite. And even exact opposite ways of thinking can be right. To each her own. So rather than tell her how she's wrong and risk ruining your friendship, have some fun at the park together instead.

Mommy wars are always going to exist, but you don't have to participate. Quit comparing, quit giving unwanted advice, and focus on your own child. It's the best way to be the best mom to your child because it will keep you from transferring your mommy pressures to your child.

Permalink | 2 comments | Nancy Flanders's blog | Channel: Tips, Social Skills, Etiquette, Conflict Resolution, Culture, Relationships

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10 Easy Ways to Make the Farmer's Market Fun for Kids

Alyssa Chirco — Wed, 22 May 2013 09:00:02 +0000

By Alyssa Chirco

Your local farmer's is a fantastic place to find the season's freshest produce and discover some of the unique local businesses that offer goods and services in your community. Make a trip to the market a family affair — and teach your kids a few valuable lessons — with these fun ways to make farmer's markets exciting for kids.

1. Sample the bounty.

Children love samples, and farmer's markets are usually filled with them — especially if you visit on a Saturday morning. There's no whining or complaining when little mouths are full, so encourage your kids to taste all the fruits, veggies, baked goods, and local meats and cheeses that the market has to offer.

2. Issue a challenge.

Before you go, tell your kids you're holding a contest to see who can try the greatest number of new foods. A farmer's market is a great place to issue this challenge because children love food on a stick, and the chance to spear a piece of papaya or stinky cheese with a toothpick is probably all the encouragement they need to try something exotic and new.

3. Plan a picnic.

If you have a bustling market in your area, there's a good chance local vendors will have food available for purchase. Bring a blanket or some lawn chairs and plan to purchase picnic food while you're strolling through the market — and bring bubbles or a ball so the kids can play nearby.

4. Give them money to spend.

Give each child about five dollars, and encourage them to spend it wisely. You may want to set some ground rules, but you'll be amazed to see how much more they enjoy shopping when their own money is involved.

5. Have the kids plan dinner.

Can you plan tonight's dinner with just the food you're buying from the market? Your kids probably can. Ask them to create a menu based on what you've purchased, and then invite them into the kitchen to help you prepare the meal. One suggestion: Homemade Strawberry Shortcake is even more delicious when made with the season's freshest berries.

6. Talk with the farmers.

One of the neatest things about a farmer's market is the opportunity to learn where your food comes from. Most farmers take great pride in the bounty their farms produce and love to share their experiences, so encourage your kids to ask questions. They'll enjoy the trip a lot more if their minds are engaged by the task at hand.

7. Create a scavenger hunt.

Have a little family fun by creating (or just downloading) a Farmer's Market Scavenger Hunt. What's the biggest vegetable you can find? How many farms in your county are selling produce at the market today? The questions to ask are endless — and adults should participate too!

8. Educate yourself.

If you can't tell the difference between kale and collard greens, you can't explain it to your kids. Everyone will have more fun if you educate yourself on various fruits and vegetables you're likely to see and get some great ideas for fresh, kid-friendly recipes from a book like At the Farmer's Market with Kids.

9. Time it right.

Don't visit at noon on a hot summer day if your kids tend to melt in the heat, or right before mealtime when everyone is hungry (and less likely to behave well). Your kids might also enjoy the trip more if you shop on a quiet weekday when they don't have to battle crowds of adults for the chance to see what the market has to offer.

10. Keep the momentum going.

If you find a farmer you like, plan a family field trip to visit his farm. Continue shopping with some of the local vendors whose goods you discover. Explore more whole food recipes at your family dinner table. No matter how you do it, work with your kids to sustain the healthier lifestyle that the farmer's market represents. Some day, they will thank you.

Permalink | Comments | Alyssa Chirco's blog | Channel: Tips

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Why Women Need to Talk About Their Miscarriages

Lynn Truong — Tue, 21 May 2013 09:00:02 +0000

By Lynn Truong

About 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. Most experts agree that the number is probably higher (perhaps up to 40%) because many occur before women know they're pregnant. Every pregnant couple knows they're not supposed to share the news until the first trimester is over.

During my first pregnancy I was worried all the time. Every four weeks I would dread the doctor visit, holding my breath until the heartbeat came out loud and clear. It wasn't until the baby was kicking regularly that I could relax, day to day, knowing that if he was still kicking, he was okay.

During my second pregnancy, I told people once I found out. I didn't want it to be like the first, when I was worried and paranoid the whole time. I didn't want to lie or circumvent direct questions (people were always asking about whether we were planning #2). And I wanted my close friends and family to share in the happy news. Why should a whole third of my pregnancy be relegated to a secret?

But most of all, I felt strongly that friends and family should know if a miscarriage had happened. It's a big loss, and it shouldn't be kept from people who care. People should know that it happens a lot. Women should get the support they need. It all shouldn't happen in the dark.

At 7 weeks, before my first appointment, I started spotting.

I went in to see the doctor that day. There was nothing on the screen. A water sac. No baby. The doctor sent me to get some blood work, saying that perhaps I had miscalculated my weeks (I knew I didn't), or that sometimes you just don't see the baby until a little later. I also scheduled a time to come in a week later.

A week later it was confirmed. I had a miscarriage.

Before I had one, I actually thought that I wouldn't be so upset by it. After all, there's a 1 in 5 chance (at least). And it happens (usually) early. It's all very scientific and logical. Sometimes the pregnancy just isn't healthy to begin with. What's the big deal?

Turns out it's a big deal. I was devastated.

And that's why we need to share. It's a big deal. And it's not all emotional. Our bodies have to go through the process of getting rid of all the stuff. This involves a birth-like process, where we go into mini-labor, with pain and blood (lots of both). Or we could opt for a procedure, which involves going to the hospital and getting knocked out for a few hours. And that's not a painless recovery either, not to mention the monetary cost.

I'm not advocating that announcements be made on Facebook or every distant aunt/uncle be called once the pregnancy has been confirmed. It was difficult for me to go down the list of people who knew and tell them the news. It was also difficult for me to handle some of the reactions. Some really had no clue how awful it was for me. I regretted having told them, but in principle I'm glad that I shared. Because in the end, this information is helpful.

If any of my friends or their friends go through this, I want them to reach out to me so I can provide support. There's nothing like another women who has been through it being there for one who is going through it (something I could have used myself). I found this out when I was struggling with all the emotions and challenges of being a new mother. Now, I make sure any new mother I know, knows that I am available at any time to answer questions or offer support. This is how readily women going through a miscarriage should also receive support.

Share. Don't feel ashamed. Don't suffer alone and keep friends in the dark. They deserve to know. We deserve to be supported.

Permalink | 2 comments | Lynn Truong's blog | Channel: News & Commentary, Family Planning

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Marvelous Meals for Any Day in May

Alyssa Chirco — Mon, 20 May 2013 09:00:02 +0000

By Alyssa Chirco

Hot soups and hearty stews may be the name of the game during the cold winter months, but we're well into May and it's time to swap the stock pot for the fresh, seasonal bounty of your local farmer's market. Wow your family at the dinner table this month with one of these light and delicious May meals.

Insalata Caprese

This Italian specialty may be a salad, but don't let the name fool you — it's hearty enough to serve as a meal. Layer slices of the season's best vine-ripened tomatoes with slices of fresh Mozzarella cheese, and then top with chopped garlic and fresh basil leaves. Season generously with salt and pepper, and drizzle with extra-virgin olive oil and balsamic vinegar to taste.

Serve this salad with a loaf of crusty Italian bread for dipping.

Pasta With Asparagus Pesto

Asparagus is in abundance during May, but let's face it, the stalky green vegetable is not always a family favorite. One tasty way to prepare it? Whip up this Pasta with Asparagus Pesto for a delicious spring meal straight from the farmer's market. (Call it Shrek Pasta and your kids may even ask for seconds!)

Spinach and Bacon Quiche

Quiche is a go-to meal for many busy families because it can be made ahead of time, served at any time of day, and used to mask all kinds of fresh vegetables behind kid-friendly layers of eggs and cheese. This simple Spinach and Bacon Quiche has only 6 ingredients — including a healthy dose of fresh baby spinach — and pairs well with a light and healthy fruit salad.

Pasta Salad With Seasonal Veggies

Sometimes, you don't need a recipe to create a delicious dinner. For an easy May meal, toss whatever fresh veggies you have on hand (think broccoli, peppers, mushrooms, etc.) with cooked pasta and your favorite Italian dressing, and then refrigerate for several hours to allow the flavors to blend. For extra kick, add diced cheeses and ham or salami to the mix.

What types of meals do you prepare in May? Do you use fruits and veggies from your local farmer's market in your cooking?

Permalink | Comments | Alyssa Chirco's blog | Channel: Tips

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8 Tips to Help Prepare Your Toddler for Preschool

David James — Fri, 17 May 2013 09:00:02 +0000

By David James

Choosing a preschool is a daunting challenge. An even bigger challenge may be preparing your toddler to leave the cozy confines of home with all his toys, friends, and parents who give him constant attention. But if your child will be moving to a preschool setting soon, there are steps moms and dads can take to help ease the transition.

1. Be honest.

Sit down with your partner and discuss whether your toddler is mentally and emotionally prepared for preschool. Is he ready to leave your home and be in a structured environment for several hours each day? Also, determine any areas that he needs to improve on so he can be thrive in a preschool setting.

2. Start early.

This cannot be a last minute decision. Finding the right preschool for your child might take longer than you anticipate and there are lots of questions to answer. Give yourself at least 6 months to start compiling lists of schools and information you need to make an informed decision. You'll want to check out each school you're interested in to make sure it fits your child.

3. Know what to expect.

Go to the preschool and spend half a day there. Watch how the teacher interacts with the students and rewards and disciplines them. Take notes. The information will enable you to help toddler adjust before classes begin.

4. Explain expectations.

Using terms that toddler can understand, focus on one or two things that deal with how he's going to be expected to behave in class. Drill these things daily so toddler knows how to handle himself.

5. Discipline now.

If there are issues with listening, sharing, or following directions, start working on them right away. It might mean that you have to be more proactive with punishments and consequences, but the benefit will be a child who is better behaved and gets along better with other children.

6. Practice.

If possible, enroll your child in a Bible study class or Mommy & Me class to give him an understanding of the structure of a classroom setting. If your child is in day care, some of these issues might have already been dealt with.

7. Build structure in your day.

One of the biggest challenges for toddler might be dealing with the structure of a preschool classroom. There are times to play, learn, and eat. If your home is more laissez-faire, that structure might be unusual for him. Start building more structure into his day leading up to the start of classes to assist in the adjustment period.

8. Cut the cord.

Emotionally it might be challenging for toddler to leave the comfort of home and his special bond with mom or dad for several hours a day. This can be tricky, but explain to him that being away from home is only temporary and that you'll be thinking of him all day long. If need be, make arrangements for toddler to have play dates with other children and leave him on his own. This might help ease the transition if he's used to having you around 24/7.

Permalink | Comments | David James's blog | Channel: Tips, Pre School

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Why Jason Collins Is a Great Role Model for LGBTQ Youth and Straight Youth

Maggie Wells — Thu, 16 May 2013 20:50:58 +0000

By Maggie Wells

In a Sport's Illustrated Op-Ed, NBA Center Jason Collins recently came out as gay. "I'm black and I'm gay," he said. This big news sent the sports world into a storm of comments both positive and in support of Collins, and exasperated as to why he felt the need to say anything at all. He leaves many mainstream parents wondering if this is a good thing or a bad thing for a sports figure to do.

Sports, undeniably, play far too much of an important role in American culture. Everyone has the teams they root for and we constantly are looking up to — and letting our children look up to — sports figures to model behavior for our children. Most of this probably stems from the athletic rigor of "practice, practice, practice and you will achieve." For poor kids, sports figures from economically depressed backgrounds have always been a source of aspiration. Play ball, and if you practice hard enough, and are really good, you too will become a professional athlete and be out of poverty forever.

We want our role model athletes to not take drugs, not cheat on their wives, and to do well in school. Most are human, so most fall short of our unrealistic expectations.

Jason Collins, on the other hand, offers a better role model. A role model who comes out and says "be who you are." It's no secret that America's LGBTQ youth are some of the most bullied and mentally abused kids by both family members and their school peers. Collins speaking up about his orientation provides strength and hope — and not just for LGBTQ youth! When children see someone comfortable in their own skin and being honest and true to themselves and who they are, it provides a perfect teachable moment. If Collins can come out as gay, then maybe Sally can come out as a math geek and Jeff can come out as loving to quilt. His admission on a grand scale makes the pathway that much easier for others to be who they are.

And It's Not About Sex

A common misconception by those parents who freak out at celebrities and sports figures coming out is this idea that somehow the person who comes out is "bringing what goes on in the bedroom into the public." That's not what sexual orientation is about. It's. Not. About. Sex.

Worried parents often make this assumption that it is, and that's where the freak out begins and the homophobic comments start flying. Sexual orientation is exactly what it is — orientation.

Imagine you're in the workplace, any workplace. Maybe you're a basketball player for the NBA. Maybe you're an office worker. It's a Friday afternoon and your co-worler says "Hey John, what are you going to do this weekend?" John is going to his partner of 20 years Mark's niece's 5th birthday party. He should be able to say, "My husband and I are going to his niece's birthday." But he won't. He'll just say, "Oh, I'm going to a family party."

Or maybe the women in the office are talking about how hard it is to deal with an aging husband, and your name is Julie and you have a wife who you take care of on your days off and you hire a caretaker for the days you are working. The five women surrounding Julie can talk about their husbands all they want in this scenario. But unless Julie is in a workplace that's open and caring, she can't enter that conversation. She'll pretend she single. Or smile. She cannot say, "I know what you mean" and talk about her home life. That's what being in the closet is.

Most heterosexual parent families probably (hopefully?) do not talk about their sex lives with their children. The same is true for homosexual families. No kid gay or straight wants to hear about their parents having sex, gay or straight, because most of us don't want to think that our parents ever had sex.

Which brings us back to Jason Collins and the media circus surrounding his coming out. Jason and open-minded people everywhere know that his admission wasn't about sex. It was about orientation. Jason no longer has to hide. He no longer has to pretend. Jason will no longer have to make excuses as to why he doesn't want to be set up on a blind date with a hot woman. He won't have to sit out a Pride parade that his straight friend went to instead.

"No one wants to live in fear. I've always been scared of saying the wrong thing. I don't sleep well. I never have. But each time I tell another person, I feel stronger and sleep a little more soundly. It takes an enormous amount of energy to guard such a big secret. I've endured years of misery and gone to enormous lengths to live a lie," says Collins.

We want our kids to be truthful and honest. Jason's honesty gives us the perfect example of how lying about yourself can take a toll on you emotionally, physically, and mentally. Telling the truth was a brave thing for him to do and it should serve as an inspiration for all youth — LGBTQ and straight — to do the same in their lives.

Permalink | 1 comment | Maggie Wells's blog | Channel: News & Commentary

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Hilarious Infant Sleep Advice From a Tired New Mom

Alyssa Chirco — Thu, 16 May 2013 20:44:29 +0000

By Alyssa Chirco

For most new parents, sleep — or lack thereof — can be the bane of your existence. Those early days with a newborn who eats every hour and can't tell the difference between night and day are excruciating, so it's no wonder that so many of us turn to the experts for advice. But are they actually helpful? Or are they only making an already stressful situation worse?

New Mom's Sleep Rant Goes Viral

According to Ava Neyer, a sleep-deprived mother of 5-month-old twins, the many blogs and sleep websites and books on infant sleep create nothing but confusion for parents. Neyer, like a lot of new moms, was frustrated by all the conflicting baby sleep advice she's received, so she put her frustration into words, and the hilarious rant she wrote as a result has now gone viral.

Apparently, other parents can totally relate, probably because Neyer's summary of the classic infant sleep refrains touches a nerve within all of us. She writes:

"You shouldn't sleep train at all, before a year, before 6 months, or before 4 months, but if you wait too late, your baby will never be able to sleep without you. College-aged children never need to be nursed, rocked, helped to sleep, so don't worry about bad habits. Nursing, rocking, singing, swaddling, etc to sleep are all bad habits and should be stopped immediately."

Neyer goes on to talk about the conflicting advice she's received in regards to swaddling, pacifiers, naps, schedules, crying it out, and just about every other aspect of infant sleep. Her ultimate conclusion is that we should:

"Sleep when the baby sleeps. Clean when the baby cleans. Don't worry. Stress causes your baby stress and a stressed baby won't sleep."

Infant Sleep: Is There a Solution?

In lieu of Neyer's rant, I'm not about to start offering infant sleep tips here. She's entirely right — for every bit of advice you get as a new parent, there will be someone else telling you to do the exact opposite. And as tough as sleep struggles can be, they also teach a valuable lesson in parenting — in the end, the choices are all up to you.

Need sleep advice? Here are my two cents: Take expert advice into consideration, but always follow your instincts. Ask questions. Ignore your critics. When one method doesn't work, try a different one. Be open to new ideas. Be willing to change your mind. Make decisions based on what works for YOUR family. Know that this too shall pass.

And most importantly, remember that (as annoying as this advice may be) there really will come a day when you would give anything to hold that baby in your arms — even at 3 a.m. — just one more time.

Permalink | Comments | Alyssa Chirco's blog | Channel: News & Commentary, Home Life, New Parents

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Your Child's World View: Join Our Tweetchat Today, 05/16 at 2:00 EST for a Chance to Win!

Rhonda Franz — Thu, 16 May 2013 09:00:02 +0000

By Rhonda Franz

Come talk with other moms and dads today about making sure children have exposure to everything, from other cultures and economic situations to people with special needs and people in need.

Do you enjoy traveling? Do your children? Where have you traveled together as a family?

Do you read books or watch shows/movies that show your children how other cultures live?

Does your child attend a school with a lot of diversity?

Is your child in class with any students who have special needs/disabilities?

What kind of volunteer work have you done as a family?

What do you say to your children when you talk about money and finances?

Extra Reading

Everyone is welcome to chat! Use #pschat to participate, and make sure you're following @parentingsquad for a chance to win a $10 Amazon gift card!

Permalink | Comments | Rhonda Franz's blog | Channel: News & Commentary, Tips, Home Life, Finances, Education, Social Skills, Learning Tools, Culture, K-8, High School, Extra Curricular

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